Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
