Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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