remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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