Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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