thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
