I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
