He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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