marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
