i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
