Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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