if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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