I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
