You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
