Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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