cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
