Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
