finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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