we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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