Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Actions speak louder than pants.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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