I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
