Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
