is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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