Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
