What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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