I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
