So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
