Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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