I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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