so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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