If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
