Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
