He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
