I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.