dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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