I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They have beer where we have blood.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.