Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost