You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?