Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I supernannyed him into submission
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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