i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.