1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.