I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
me + whiskey = a bad person
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
