when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can text with my tongue
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
