he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
