I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
