You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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