Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my liver is dry heaving
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
