Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize