i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
