As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.