Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
