remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.