Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
