I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!