I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
