Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
