Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
