God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
