are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
