bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
