apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
