I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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