is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
