so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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