i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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