You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
