Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
