He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
