right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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