Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
