Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
