Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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