I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
