Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize