sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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