and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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