I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
