you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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