i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
