I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
